HOW IS IT LIKE FAILING THE BOARD EXAM?
It was Sunday afternoon. I have just given a short talk to a youth gathering. I was hurrying to go to Robinson’s Galleria to meet my sister and her family. We’re about to attend the evening worship celebration in Victory Christian Fellowship. My mobile’s being flooded with messages from classmates and friends. “Nursing board exam result is now in the internet! I was excited and nervous at the same time. I really wanted to rush in front of a computer and look at it, but I can’t. I was riding a bus. I wanted to call some friends to talk about it, but I didn’t have enough load. I sent an sms to one of my classmates who texted me earlier about the result “Nakita mo ba name ko?” followed by, “Anong website mo nakita?”
I got bored waiting for her reply. I was struck in traffic. Ihing-ihi na rin ako. I can’t help but just pray that I reach Robinson fast. It took, 15-20 minutes, and then she replied saying what the exact website was. She didn’t answer my first question. I felt something inside me. My thoughts run wild. I was kinda afraid. But still hopeful. My emotions mixed. I certainly didn’t like the feeling.
I reached Robinson at exactly 7 o’clock in the evening. I hastened to the washroom. Oh, what a relief, after I peed. I met my sister and the whole family inside the church. After the Worship Service, we all ate together in Jollibee. At that time, friends, relatives, classmates were texting me, “Yel, what’s up? Did you pass the exam?” I can’t give a reply. I didn’t know what to say. I have not seen the result yet.
When we got home, I immediately turned on my PC, and surfed the internet. The website’s worse than a caterpillar in downloading. It seemed it didn’t want me to see the result. I reached the surnames starting with the letter “S”. There were a lot of Santoses there. I didn’t see my name. I screamed, “Wala ang pangalan ko….!” while my hands covering my face! I was shocked! I can’t believe it! All of my sisters, my brother in law, my niece and nephew are behind me, looking suspiciously in the website I was browsing. “Baka nandyan lang, tingnan mo’ng mabuti.” “Tingnan mo sa ibang website.” “Ako nga ang titingin.” These were the lines I heard from them.
I have never uttered a word after then. I was still in front of the monitor, looking for names of my classmates who made it! I saw names, which I was not expecting to be there. Sadness crept into my vessels. My sisters we’re trying to comfort me, “Ok lang yan Yel!” They started to leave one by one. I was alone in my room.
I turned off my computer. I laid down on my bed. Suddenly, there came a flashback. I saw myself when I was reviewing before the board exam. The days I spent in the review center. The books I have bought and borrowed. The money I spent in reviewing. The effort that I have made. The optimism, dream and hope that I’ve got….
It was the saddest moment of my life. I knew have disappointed my family, my friends, my church mates, my relatives, and the worst of all… myself!
I started asking God, “Do I not deserve to pass?” “Where did I go wrong?” I believe I did my best. I know I have prepared well for the exam. I have set goals, but I didn’t meet it. My heart is broken. I was sobbing. I started to pity myself. My temperature was high.
I started listening to worship songs, I played the mp3s in my cell phone, thanked God in prayer, then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 9AM the following day. I need to go to work. The weather was gloomy. It was raining. “Heaven’s sympathizing with me” I thought. I received texts from classmates who were already celebrating and planning to have a thanksgiving party. I became sad even more. Many were sending their encouragement too.
I got my Bible before leaving the house. Unintentionally, I have opened it to the book of Habakkuk. (I can’t remember myself reading Habakkuk before. I find it less interesting, and I don’t even know much about this prophet). However, I read the 3rd chapter of it. It was about this prophet who’s experiencing a great trial. He brought his concerns before the Lord, and he reflected upon the fact that God is sovereign and is ultimately in control of all events, and that He will sustain His people. Verses 17-19 of chapter 3, struck me…
”Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the LORD! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains.”
Wow, thank God! I was inspired and renewed after reading those verses!
I kept myself busy while at the office. I was listening to the song “Awesome God” using my earphone, and then I suddenly felt my tears running through my cheeks as I was moved by the lyrics of the song saying,
“Our God is an awesome God,
He reigns from heaven above.
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God…”
I remained composed, I didn’t want my officemates to notice that I was crying. I realized how marvelous and awesome my God is! Yes, I certainly don’t know the answer to my questions now… but I believe that everything will make perfect sense in God’s own time!
I thank God because He has given me a loving and supportive family and friends! At the end of the day, I found myself humbled and closer to God.
Now I am accepting what has happened. Like Habakkuk, I will just keep on trusting the Lord. I know He is in control and He knows what’s best for me. I will hold on to His promises, and I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!
Taken last June 2007, at RA Gapuz Review Center, few days before the nursing board exam.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
You brought me to tears twice in reading your testimony… Once when I felt your anguish and shock and trauma of not seeing your name…and then especially when I saw the encouragement of our God on your life through that powerful passage… He is worthy! Your time to fulfill your dream is delayed, but it is only a delay. God IS with you, and I am here if you need to lean on me. Your kuya, with love, SEan
August 27th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Reading your testimony, tears flow down from eyes…I know you are hurt and discouraged but like what I’ve told you..the LORD our GOD maybe has other plans for you..or just like what your kuya Stan said..maybe a delay….just continue to trust in HIM..and I thank GOD that inspite of what happened..you continue to praise HIM in the midst of your situation..I’m always here for you my dear ..i love you and my family will continue to pray for you…Remember Romans 8:28.
August 27th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
“Real failure is not to try and fail but to fail to try.” -Woodrow Kroll
August 28th, 2007 at 3:06 am
:’)
God is good. He has proven Himself worthy of all trust. through this wintry night you found peace and comfort. may You always look toward Him. *hugs*
August 29th, 2007 at 6:21 am
Manong, I believe you are stronger now than before. Labyu Manong!Wala na akong masabi,hehehe.,God bless!Punta ka na ng gapo at mag-beach tayo!!! *yakap!*
August 29th, 2007 at 7:39 am
we love you as you are…in spite of your disappointments…
praying for you…
September 24th, 2007 at 2:00 am
Hi!!well what can i say while im reading your testimony!!im excited..i feel what you felt..but akala k succes…how sad your failed…but is not the end of your dream!!minsan nakkdisapoint pero lahat ng yon my purpose my dahilan..So life must go on no matter what He is good all the time…God Bless You in so many ways…w/love Rovie…
November 6th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
hi noriel! all i can say is never stop achieving God’s ultimate plan in ur career. If He has shown you faithfulness all throughout ur years of hardships in studying and brought you this far, much more that He is ABLE to fulfill and grant ur heart’s desire in ur career! BELIEVE that as God’s child, He definitely has better life and great plans in store 4u and keep FOCUSED in achieving it no matter how many times u fail. In God’s time, He’ll make all things beautiful.
There is power in God’s word!
May these verses bless u as it did to me when i too once failed that yeah, freakin local boards!
“Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, BELIEVE that ye receive them, and ye shall have them -Jesus” Mark 11:24
“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, BELIEVING, ye shall receive -Jesus” Matt.21:22
For God to answer r prayer, we must have a believing heart and ask acording to His will
1 Jn 5:14-15
all d best!
jingky
February 19th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Waaahhh! Nakakalungkot naman..Ngaun ko lang to nabasa. Natakot tuloy ako magboard exam.. Huhuhuhu…Muntik na kong maiyak dun ah. As of now cguro, fully recovered ka na. Ngaun lang ako nagkaron ng tym magbasa ng mga blogs eh. hehehe.. Sa totoo lang as of now, hindi p talaga ako ready magtake ng board exam. Hmmm, may one year pa ako. Kakayanin ko to..Kaya mo pang makabawi kuya yel..marami pang chance..Godbless!
July 25th, 2008 at 8:26 am
As of this time, my heart is broken. I took the board exam last June 1 - 2, 2008…like you, I didn’t also make it. This morning, my officemate told me that the results are out on the internet. There are lots like my surname, but I didn’t see my name. After awhile, everything sinks in. Just like you, I silently asked God, why He forgot my name. I had done my best too. I took a leave from work and sacrificed not have a salary just to spend my days in the review center. Mean while, I found myself surfing the net…and I found your site. Thank you for it enlightened me somehow, I cannot help to feel sad and cry…
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